I grew up in a household as the trouble child, well... compared to my sister. I was born a stubborn child, especially since I put my mom through thirty-six hours of labor. For three years I was the only child and being first-born I was determined to be spoiled. I never really was but I still had that aura about me. Then three years later my sister was born. I flat-out told my mom I didn´t want a sister and that I hated her. Unfortunately that was always stuck in my head. I never paid much attention to her up until recently. I was not nice to my sister, and I had a temper to go along with it. I always tried to do things to get her into trouble. One time I even went so far as to push her into the corner of our TV. Needless to say she had to go to the hospital and I told my mom she fell. Somehow or another I got away with it. One big problem I had was before my sister I was "Daddy´s little girl". I was afraid she would take that from me.

When I was younger I took dance lessons for seven years, but I would always see my Dad practicing Tae Kwon Do. So finally I decided to join his school instead of dancing. Within those years my view point of life began to broaden. I learned to control my temper better. I also started to become more assertive. I have always been an independent person and this made me more so. During my years in Tae Kwon Do I became much more competitive. I started going to tournaments as much as possible. It was what I trained for and what I enjoyed most. When my freshman year is high school rolled around I had to quit either Tae Kwon Do or softball. Well my heart was more into softball because I had been playing since I was five. So I quit Tae Kwon Do.

     Within the next for or five years I became a tyrant. I disagreed with everything my mom said. She and I were always fighting or I was picking a fight with someone else. I couldn´t find a way to release my aggression anymore. It just kept building up. I became annoyed with everything you could imagine. I helped start a war against my Freshman English teacher to get her fired. I hung out with crowds three to five years older than me. I was dating a twenty-one year old when I was fourteen or fifteen. I wasn´t even allowed to date until I was sixteen. I started smoking and drinking. I had a big ego and my self-confidence that people could see was outrageous. I did things to gain attention. I dated some really messed-up guys and almost got into allot of trouble that I couldn´t have been able to handle.

But, underneath my appearance I was lost. Even though I seemed to have fun most of the time... I was depressed. I did not want to be around anyone anymore. For a while I became withdrawn. I wouldn´t smile. I couldn´t have fun. I hated everything about my life. I just couldn´t find the place where I fit in.

 The summer after high school I hung out with a lot of different people. I made some great friends. Some I talk to still today. Then I had to leave them all behind and start a new and very different life in college. I met my best friend in college. At the time, for a while, we thought our lives were the best ever. We never slept. We drank almost every night. We were drunk Thursday through Sunday. Both of us were sick for months with Bronchitis and Pneumonia. We didn´t care about school. We did not have jobs. We would leave town for days at a time. We had a lot of fun. Then we hit tragedy. She lost one of her best friends and fell into depression and three weeks later two of my friends were killed in an accident. We competed for misery and we lost our friendship. I started to hang-out with this guy in college who belonged to a Kung-Fu school. At the time it really did not interest me. I left college and moved back home which was a big mistake. The only thing good is that my best friend and I got back on the right track. We were trying to straighten out our lives.

That summer we moved back to Springfield. I started to look for a new Tae Kwon Do school. I missed what I used to do. Well, I couldn´t find one that I liked. I started to become more interested in the Kung-Fu style.

 In October I decided to apply to the "Shaolin Lohan School of Kung Fu". I was accepted. I did not know what to expect from this style all I knew was that I was getting back into something I had once loved. It was strange because I was starting all over. This style offered me more than my Tae Kwon Do. Not only was there the physical attributes but there was also a mental side.

The Shaolin style has a much deeper history. There is also a great deal of philosophy. I was to learn how to develop my mind through my body. In this style there is so much more to see and learn. In my old school... I knew the people and we were friends. In the Shaolin school... I have found a family. This is very important to me especially since I don´t live near mine. These people know so much about who I am and they know what I want to be. They are willing to help me attain my dreams. I believe now that my dream can be real.

I have been in this school for almost 1 1/2 years. The physical ability is hard to obtain. I have hit so many obstacles when I did not think I would not be good enough. I did not believe I deserved to go on. But, I worked through the obstacles with the help of my instructors and fellow students.

     I have finally found a place to belong where I know I am respected. I have people who will always be there for me and care about me. I know I will always care about them. I have realized that with effort... I can do anything I want to.

This has been a great experience and inspiration that will help me in the future. "In the darkest hour the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure." - Heart Warrior Chosa. I have learned so much from Sigung Vincent A. Cabais and the rest of my instructors and friends. This will never leave me and will always be a large part of who I have become. I am one of the lucky few who was able to find a place to truly belong.

     -Madalyn Westermayer-